Sending Out Invitations

Here's where things can be a bit touch-and-go. In fact, this issue probably involves some of your toughest decisions as host – namely, whom to invite.

Naturally, you'll want to work with mom (and possibly dad) in drawing up the guest list.This is a delicate situation that can lead to a few headaches, but here's a little-known rule that will avert most of them: it's the host, not the guest of honor, who determines the size of the list.

In other words, consult mom on the individual names, but it's your resources as the thoughtful organizer that determine how big the party will be. If you have a capacious mansion and rolling grounds, then go ahead, encourage mom to invite a hundred of her closest friends. But if your digs consist of a modest ranch house, then the party will naturally be much more intimate.

Sometimes, this rule is misunderstood, and that's where you have a dazed friend who's been given a list of 75 guests by mom, and has no idea where to put them. When this goes even more awry, the friend might try to accommodate the crowd by renting a hotel room or booking a teahouse. But typically she'll have no idea how to pay for the venue, much less for food and decorations on top of it.

This is a recipe for lasting hard feelings at a time where you least want to risk them.

As a good rule of thumb to avoid them, plan for a small and simple party when a friend's doing the favor of hosting.

When mom's heart is set on something more expansive (and expensive), then it's time for the family to step up to the plate and host the party themselves.

Timing, and That Matter of RSVPs

Once you've figured out who to invite – and give everyone at least a few days to bang this out – the next step is to actually send out invitations. The conventional timing is two to three weeks before the shower, but if you've booked a venue where a head count is required, feel free to send them sooner.

Now, you may be surprised to find that a surprising number of people will not formally respond to your baby shower invitation, despite your plea to RSVP ("respond, please.")

However, do not make the mistake of assuming that potential attendees who don't respond aren't coming. A failure to RSVP simply means that they didn't get back, not that they're definitely not showing up.