To Gift Registry or Not to Gift Registry

Gift registries are another fun decision involving mom (and probably dad, too). Although more than one mom has felt ambivalent about setting up a registry, the fact is, they conveniently solve a lot of otherwise tricky problems, like:

• What do the parents want — or need — to get ready for baby?
• Which gifts have other guests already purchased?
• What's a good price range for a gift?

So with all this going for gift registries, why do some moms-to-be avoid them?

Preference. Some people just feel uncomfortable "telling" their guests what to buy. They might be first-time parents, and not feeling quite sure of what they'll end up needing. Or, they might be aware that in their circles, most guests don't buy from the baby registry anyway.

In some cases, couples might feel they already have most of what they need, and primarily just want to celebrate with their guests.

Cost. It's almost never done maliciously, but there's a common phenomenon in baby registries where a hopeful young couple will sign up for items much pricier than they'd actually buy themselves. As an extreme example: on their own, a couple might buy a serviceable but ordinary $70 stroller at Target, but sign up for a $425 "sport utility" model on the registry, or plump for a $150 designer diaper bag.

Some couples, wanting to avoid any hint of this, forgo the registry completely rather than have their guests search frantically for some lone item under $30.

In these cases, it's best to get clear with the parents on what they really need, and communicate this to their guests by word-of-mouth. When expensive items are involved, a thoughtful host might suggest that guests combine their resources to get mom that badly-needed breast pump or that double stroller the twins will surely require.

But if mom does create a registry, she may well find that guests consider it a convenience, not an imposition. And if she does, it's perfectly good etiquette to include where she's registered on the baby shower invitations.